I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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