I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
