Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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