She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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