WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You're a disaster
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