Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
