Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize