just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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