and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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