A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
