she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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