Got a toothbrush?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
