i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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