Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this just has baby written all over it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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