It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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