So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
