I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
