Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
