Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
organizing the empties. That sober.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
