He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
