Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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