i permit you to call me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
