Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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