dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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