doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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