totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
