I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
