Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
