how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Someone came in the potted fern
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
