3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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