im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
