YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
