So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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