I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
