Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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