Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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