I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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