Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
