I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
