please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
