Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
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He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize