Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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