I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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