i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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