let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
