captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
