Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
