As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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