New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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