you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
