it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
