I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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