hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
