I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is classic penis vs brain.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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