Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
