remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
