took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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