i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
