she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
