I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
