Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't deserve a penis
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
