I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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