so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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