Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
