Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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