It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
