WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
