Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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