I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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