Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
