I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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