whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
